Bloodwine (version 1)

So, Bloodwine. That Klingon favourite, not for the faint of heart and consumed in great quantities. I have called this bloodwine version 1 as I can see many bloodwine experiments in my future! Bloodwine is of course to be consumed at any occasion - before battle, after battle, during battle, reminiscing about battles…you get the idea. Where ever you choose to drink your bloodwine, make sure you have plenty of warriors to help you drink it, as it is quite strong!

I took inspiration from the description of bloodwine as being twice as strong as whiskey and also from the Klingon practice of storing bloodwine in barrels corresponding to particular vintages. Therefore, for this version of bloodwine, I’ve gone for an aged Negroni: gin, red vermouth and campari, aged with a handful of wine barrel chips for 6-8 weeks. You could, of course, use an actual wine barrel to age your bloodwine in, but I thought smaller quantities were better to start with.The end result is potent, a little bitter and very smooth - surely appropriate for your favourite Klingon. 

(Why yes, that is my light-up skull cup from Dracula’s - when else am I going to get to use it?!)

Replicate your own
(Makes 1.5 litres / 1.5 quarts cocktail - scale up or down as needed)

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Gladst

What’s this?! A Klingon dish that involves no meat, and is actually vegan?! Insanity. Even if gladst is only a side dish, at least we can be comforted by the knowledge that Klingons do eat their vegetables after all. Gladst is available at the Klingon Restaurant on Deep Space Nine, and certainly seems like a good alternative to all that gagh (DS9: Melora). 

This is essentially a stir fry of mushrooms with some garlic, ginger and chilis for flavour. I have never seen fresh wood fungus but the dried version is easily available at Asian supermarkets. I have added a fair amount of chili to this as I figure Klingons would like it spicy, but you can of course adjust the chili to your liking. This dish can be eaten both with or without sauce; while I enjoyed the addition of the sauce, the mushrooms are equally delicious on their own. 

Replicate your own
(Serves 2 as a main dish or 3-4 as a side dish)

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Rokeg Blood Pie

***Red alert! This post discusses the preparation of blood. If you don’t want to read about this, I suggest reversing your engines, changing course and coming back next week!***

So let’s get one thing straight. Rokeg Blood Pie, in my opinion, should be made with…blood. None of this raspberry puree stuff. I just can’t imagine a bunch of battle-weary Klingons sitting down to a delicate raspberry pie as part of a main meal. Blood, on the other hand, has all sorts of iron-enhancing properties which I am sure is good for preparing for battle. 

This pie is essentially black pudding/boudin noir filling inside a pastry crust. The best way to describe the flavour is to say it is like eating a very rich sausage roll. You will need a few Klingons to help finish this pie, as you’ll only need small slices as it is quite rich. 

I made 2 versions of this pie - for the first, as you see below, I made a traditional pie, with pastry and the Klingon insignia as decoration on the top. The second is at the end of the post and reflects how the pie appears in The Next Generation (A Matter of Honor). The filling is the same in both cases. 

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Replicate your own
(Makes a pie to serve 8-10 people)

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Stewed bok-rat liver

Surely it is a truth universally acknowledged: that a Klingon warship, with no fresh bok-rat liver aboard, is barely a warship at all - let alone if there is no bloodwine. Such was the case for Jadzia Dax and Worf, when they boarded the IKS Rotarran, under the command of General Martok (DS9: Soldiers of the Empire). Dax brightened the mood considerably by bringing cases of bloodwine aboard, but overall morale was low. Such is the fate of a crew surviving on old bok-rat liver.

Dax was certainly right about the liver: the secret to this recipe is to ensure your liver is fresh. The stew base could be altered depending on what you have to hand - you could easily add some potatoes, for example. This is a great dish for cold winter nights, even if you’re not aboard the Rotarran, and also stores well and is even better the next day.

Replicate your own
(Serves 2-3)

500g lamb’s liver
1 onion, diced
1 tin crushed tomatoes
1 tin cannellini beans (or rehydrate some dried beans)
2 carrots, diced
1 stick celery, diced
2 cloves garlic, diced
150-200g bacon, diced
250g chicken or vegetable stock
5 tablespoons cornflour (corn starch)
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
Pinch of cayenne pepper (optional)

In a large saucepan or cast-iron cooking pot suitable for the stove, add the diced bacon and cook gently, so it releases its fat. Once it starts to crisp up, add the diced onion and garlic and cook in the bacon fat. You might need to add a splash of vegetable oil if your bacon wasn’t very fatty.

When the onions start to soften, add the celery and carrots, and cook for a further 5 minutes. Add the chicken stock, tinned tomatoes and cannellini beans, bring to the boil and then reduce to a simmer. Put the lid on the pot and allow it to simmer gently while you prepare the liver.

To prepare the liver, remove any silver membrane or fatty pieces. Slice the liver into thin pieces - a very sharp knife is good for this, because the liver is so fragile.

In a bowl, mix together the cornflour, salt, pepper, paprika and cayenne pepper. Coat the liver pieces in the seasoned flour, tapping them gently to remove any excess.

Add the pieces of liver to the stew, stirring so that most of them are submerged in the liquid. Simmer the liver for about 30 minutes, or until both the liver and vegetables are soft and well incorporated.

Optional: reserve a few of the liver pieces dredged in the seasoned flour, and when the stew is ready, fry them over high heat for about 30 seconds per side. Add these to the top of your stew as a garnish.

Make sure all crew members know the lyrics to The Warrior’s Anthem and be sure to keep morale up, and you will eat many delicious bok-rat liver dishes in the glorious battle-ridden future. 

Broiled Krada legs (seafood combination)

Broiled Krada legs: a Klingon dish which is mentioned but never seen or eaten onscreen. Kira Nerys mentioned she craved some, which leads me to think they are delicious and well worth eating (Deep Space Nine: The Sound of Her Voice). While it is never seen, I have assumed that the Krada is a type of creature, that has enough meat in or on its legs to be eaten. I figured it probably had a shell, so that the Klingons could appropriately rip apart and crunch through the shell before getting at the meat underneath.

I decided to make a variety of seafood parts which could be put together to form a Krada. I used spider crab legs and Moreton Bay bugs to create the creature. I am pretty convinced that Moreton Bay bugs are aliens anyway, so it helped with the dish. This is a simple dish to put together which has the added bonus of spooking anyone not familiar with Klingon food!

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Replicate your own
(Serves 2 as  starter)

2 Moreton Bay bugs
3 or 4 spider crab legs
Small bunch of parsley, chopped fine
4 tablespoons butter at room temperature

Turn your oven broiler (or what I would call the grill - you want top-down heat) so it can heat up while you prepare the seafood. To start, mix your chopped parsley into the butter, and set aside.

Start by cutting apart the spider crab legs (if needed) and place them on a tray covered with aluminum foil. Place them under the broiler for about 3 or 4 minutes, until the shells have turned pink. Flip over and cook on the other side for about 2 minutes. Remove from the grill and set aside.

With a heavy knife, chop the Moreton Bay bugs in half, and prop them up on a baking tray so the meat is facing up. Spread the butter mix over the meat. Put these under the broiler and cook for about 5 minutes, until the meat is firm and the butter has melted in.

Arrange your crab legs and Moreton Bay bugs in a suitably Klingon manner (which now I think about it, probably means chucking randomly on a plate!) and serve.

Notes:

  • If you can’t find Moreton Bay bugs, you could substitute crabs or even lobsters
  • I left the crab legs whole primarily for photographic purposes - you can always split them open before broiling which makes it easier to get the meat out
  • Pre-cooked crab legs would work here too, just heat them up before serving.
  • I served this with a fish ceviche to make a full meal.
Klingon Octopus

I must admit I’m both intimidated and super excited about Klingon food. Much of it is quite confronting but I think it also has the potential to be delicious. Today’s recipe definitely falls under the scary-looking but delicious category!

It is worth noting that while this dish is shown on screen (in TNG: Genesis - an episode directed by none other than Gates McFadden), it is never identified by name. So while it’s been called a Klingon octopus, it could be a different type of Klingon sea creature (you can read more about it on Memory Alpha here).

Octopus needs to either be cooked for a very short or very long time - it is rubbery in the middle. For this recipe, I felt that cooking it on a low temperature was a better option for the large pieces of octopus. Warning: eating this dish may lead to the first stages of genetic de-evolution!

Replicate your own
(Serves 2 for a main course)

1kg octopus, chopped into large pieces
1 tin crushed tomatoes
1 onion, chopped
4 garlic cloves, chopped finely
Capers
1 cup dry white wine
1 cup pearl couscous
2 sprigs parsley, chopped
Olive oil for cooking

Chop the onions and garlic and sautee in olive oil until soft. Add the white wine and simmer for 2-3 minutes. Add the tomatoes and capers and bring to the boil. When boiling, add the octopus pieces, and turn down the heat and cover. Simmer for about 1 1/2 hours, or until the octopus is soft and can be pierced with a fork.

When the octopus is cooked, remove from the saucepan and bring the sauce to the boil. Add the pearl couscous and stir until it is cooked, about 5 minutes. Serve in an appropriate Klingon style with lettuce or salad greens. Sprinkle the chopped parsley over the top for a garnish. Hope that Reg Barclay is not nearby.

Notes:

  • This recipe is definitely better with large pieces of octopus, but in a pinch you could use small octopuses instead
  • Standard couscous could replace the pearl couscous if you prefer
Heart of Targ

So we’re going to start this whole thing off with a bang. Heart of Targ! That traditional Klingon dish that Commander Riker tried before going to serve on the Klingon ship Pagh (Next Generation, "A Matter of Honor"). Perhaps surprisingly, none of his Enterprise crewmates joined him in eating this dish.

When designing this dish for the show, the prop master apparently used a selection of organ meats, including liver and kidney. However, it seems wrong to be making heart of targ and not using actual hearts. Preparing this dish is not for the faint of heart but the end result is delicious, and will help channel your inner Klingon.

Replicate your own
(Serves 2)

6 Lamb’s hearts
1 head of kale, sliced into thin strips
6 stalks of celery, sliced into small pieces
1/2 cup water
Vegetable oil

For the sauce:
1 cup red wine
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon cornstarch

Start by preparing the hearts. Trim the hearts to remove any fat and tubes still remaining on the hearts. You will probably need to trim a fair bit. Slice them into thin slices and set aside.

Next, prepare the sauce. Put the red wine in a saucepan and heat gently. Add the sugar and stir until it is dissolved. Add the Worcestershire sauce to make the sweet and sour sauce.

In a separate bowl, add the cornstarch and a splash of the red wine, and stir to form a slurry. Add this to the saucepan with the wine and stir. The cornstarch will thicken the wine as it heats. You may need to add another round of cornstarch slurry if the sauce does not thicken sufficiently.

In a large saucepan or wok, add the water and heat until it starts to steam. Add the celery pieces and cook for a few minutes, until they begin to soften. When they are the texture you like, add the kale. Cook for a few minutes, until kale softens slightly (but still remains bright green and holds its shape). Remove the celery and kale and tip out any remaining water.

When the wok or saucepan is dry, add a splash of vegetable oil and heat. You want the wok  / saucepan to be fairly hot before you add the hearts. Add the hearts and stir around the saucepan / wok. You will only need to cook them for a couple of minutes - do not overcook or they will be very chewy.

Turn off the heat and add the sauce to the hearts. Toss or stir around the pot until the hearts are thoroughly coated in the sauce.

To serve, place some of the kale and celery mix onto a plate or bowl. Add the hearts in the middle of the greens, adding extra sauce if desired. Qapla’ !!

Read more about Heart of Targ at Memory Alpha, the Star Trek wiki.